i never know how to start these things omg right.

um, i’m really nothing special. i’m basically just your average unoriginal, depressed, lonely, moody teenage blogger with self-diagnosed mental problems and no friends.

my name is meaghan, i’m 15, 16 on april 12th(2013), i’m straight and I’m single and I will be for a long time unless I marry my cat which will probably happen, i’m scottish and have a horrible scottish manly accent. I’m not homophobic but then I’m not one of those straight white girls that are like “omg gay rights” I just believe people are people, gay or straight. i’m 5 foot 2, i have only grown 20 centimeters in about seven or eight years but idk it’s not like i’m going to grow any more. i want to be tall and skinny but that’s not going to happen. i am the worlds stupidest eater and i really only eat pasta and few cereals. i am going to be hated for this but cadbury’s chocolate sucks and it burns my throat, i don’t really like much sweets either and whatever. but those little red and blue fizzy cola bottles i fucking adore omg and foamy banana sweet things idk. i’m pretty strange or whatever idk but if you have any questions i have an ask box so yeah, um, here goes.

well, i already said my name but my full name is meaghan anderws colquhoun robertson -pronounced like mee-gin andrews col-hoon robert-son”. and this is my story in shorts.

well, first thing’s first; i love dancing, i do both ballet and jazz and have done for the past 12 years. I’m going to pursue a career in dance(probably ballet) once i’ve finished school because it’s the most amazing thing ever. i’m not a very committed person, i like to change things a lot and i never really stuck to clubs and stuff when i was little, dancing was the one thing i’ve always done, i’ve always loved it. i dance because it makes me happy, it’s really the only time I feel I can be myself and I know that sounds so stupid but it’s kind of like, i have this alter ego and she’s just amazing, the person I’ve always wanted to be. physically , emotionally and mentally she’s just exactly what I’ve always dreamed of being. but when I’m dancing-normally on stage-she comes out, I turn into her and I’m able to-even for only about a minute-be her, be me. ~

omg right okay seriously, i feel like writing a load of shit about myself because i’m mega ultra bored. okay. now. 

when I was in nursery, i had selective muteness, meaning i wouldn’t talk to anyone except for my parents, and if anyone else was around, i’d talk really quietly. i preferred to be alone and draw quietly. i still am like that in a sense, i don’t have the selective muteness anymore, but i am -at heart- a bit of a loner. 

when i was 5, i started primary school. i thought it was great, i started talking to people, and soon, got quite a lot of friends, i was so happy. that was, until, one day when i was in the playground alone waiting for my friend to come out of the bathroom so we could continue playing together, i remember standing minding my own business and looking up to see this -what i thought was massive- primary 7 standing over me. i just looked at him, i was so scared. he started calling me names and asking if i was Chinese. i just shook my head. when i got home that night i thought about telling my mum, i didn’t. instead, i spent hours looking at myself in the bathroom mirror crying and pointing out different imperfections about myself. i came to the conclusion that i was both fat, ugly and had a ‘man voice’ as i called it. i started throwing my lunch in the bins at school and not eating properly. i’ve had a problem with my eating habits for a long time, if you were to ever comment on it in a way i find offensive i will get aggressive. don’t do it. about the ugly thing, i still feel that way, most people do, but i still get  called names, only now, i try not to let it ghetto me. it still does hurt a lot, and I get upset over it just as everyone does, but I put on a brave face at school and stuff because I know if I cry when those people can see me, they’ll just hurt me even more. honestly, I’ve only been in that mind-set since about 2009, it sounds rather corny but I owe it all to Lady Gaga, she taught me everything and I wouldn’t be where I am without her. i love her so much, thank you mother monster! also, i don’t have a man voice, i just have an ugly accent:’)

I have a phobia of tap water, and this is something i’m constantly questioned about. in primary 5, i went to Turkey on holiday with my parents and little sister, who must have been about 3 at the time. i unknowingly drank some contaminated water and was unable to hold down any food or drink, i was puking everything up and was getting ill because of the lack of food and water i had in my body. my hands started shriveling up and my body went rock solid, it was so painful. my mum rushed me down to the hotels nurse and an ambulance was called. i was put on a drip and was made stay in the hospital for as long as needed. this was the scariest moment in my life, in that hospital, the doctors spoke hardly any english and i refused to eat the food because it was disgusting. i remember my mum trying to force feed me and crying because i was just getting more ill. i was in the hospital for just over a week, i remember asking my mum if i was going to die, “no darling” she’d always reply. but i could see it in her eyes that it was a possibility. i got out the hospital the day before i was scheduled to get back on the plane to Scotland. i owe those doctors my life and i’m so grateful.

Friday, April 2nd, 2009. the day my nanny died. it was the day of the talent show at school and i was doing a dance with one of my best friends, Anna. we were both so excited! when it came our time to go on stage, i got this uneasy feeling about me, something i’ve never had before, but i ignored it and continued up the steps to take my position on stage. it got about half way through the dance and the uneasy feeling hadn’t gone, again, i ignored it and continued dancing. i fell, i fell right in the middle of the dance and hit my hip of the cold hard floor. i was absolutely devastated and ran off stage crying. Anna continued on dancing and when the song had finished, came and met me in the changing room and comforted me. by the time school had finished, i felt okay and came home to see my parents, i came in the back door, kicked my shoes off and yelled “mum, dad, i’m home!”, no reply, i shouted again and my mum came out of the kitchen with tears streaming down her face, i asked her what was wrong and she sat me down and said “Meaghan, i’ve got some terrible news” i just looked at her, “this morning, daddy went up to collect nanny to take her shopping, when he got to her house, your auntie ann and uncle alex and everyone were there, crying…Meaghan, Nanny’s dead, hunny i’m so sorry” i started shaking and screaming, calling her a liar and crying so hard my face was hurting. we cried for a long time and she let me stay off school for the next week. i didn’t sleep all weekend. on monday, after school, Anna came to my door, i had already called her and told her everything, i opened my front door and she gave me a huge hug, she handed me a certificate and told me that we had won the talent show by one vote. that was by far the worst day of my life, the day my nanny died. you see; she was and still is the most important human being in my life, i loved her so much, we were so close, she was the most beautiful person on earth and i love her to pieces. rest in peace nanny, i love you.

if you’ve read this far i absolutely adore you! if you follow me i adore you even more and if you ever reblog me or send me asks i love you more and if you do all these things plus you appreciate good bands and have a stretcher and dyed hair or and you’re hot and amazing and perfect i will marry you, okay? 

BOOM. done